HOLLYLEAF'S TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY
by Original Wr1ter
Summary: One day Fallen Leaves finds a package. A package containing several audiotapes, made by Hollyleaf, a girl who committed suicide. Supposedly he is one of the 13 reasons she ended her life. Find out why.
1. Introduction

**Introduction**

When I got home from school, there was a package on the patio. I picked it up and read it. The box was addressed to Fallen Leaves: me. I went into the house and rushed to my room. There was no return address on it, so maybe it was something special.

I took off the wrapping and a shoebox was revealed. I opened the shoebox and found seven audiotapes. On each side there was a number in the corner. One and two, three and four, and so on. The last tape had a thirteen on one side and that was it. The numbers were written on there in blue sharpie, it looked like.

_How do I even listen to these? _I looked over at my closet. Somewhere, buried under a bunch of junk, was a stereo that my grandmother gave me. A stereo that played audiotapes. I opened the closet door and began digging through a bunch of crap. Finally, after about five minutes, I began to unbury the stereo. It made a thumping noise when I dropped it on the ground, away from the closet. I inserted the first tape.

* * *

**This is a crossover for TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY and Warriors. If you've only read Warriors, that's okay. You'll understand the story.**


	2. Cassette 1: side A

**Cassette 1: side A**

_ Hello everyone! It's me, Hollyleaf._

It can't be.

_Surprised? Don't be._

Hollyleaf killed herself.

_Right now, I am going to tell you about my life. More importantly, why it ended. Why _I_ ended it. If you're listening to these tapes, then guess what? You're one of the thirteen reasons why I killed myself._

This has to be a mistake!

_I'm not going to say which tape is about you. It doesn't really matter, anyways. If you received this box, then your name will appear. _

Why would Hollyleaf record a bunch of tapes before she died?

"Fallen Leaves?" I heard my mom call. I quickly pressed pause as she walked into the room.

"What are you listening to?"

"It's something for a school project," I reply.

"Do you mind if I listen with you?" she asks.

"Um, it's for history and it's really boring. I'm helping a friend with it."

"Well that's sweet of you," she says. "I'll leave you to it."

After I'm sure she's gone, I hit the play button.

_ I've got a few rules for these tapes. One: you listen to them. _All _of them. Two: When you're done, you pass it to the next person. I'm hoping these rules will be agonizing to follow._

_The person you give it to next is the person whose story is after yours. Number thirteen win's the prize: they get to keep the tapes!_

_ If I were you, I wouldn't break the rules. I made a copy of these tapes, and they will get out into public. You are being watched._

I pause it. I still can't process what's going on, I mean, I barely knew Hollyleaf! I _did_ want to know her though. Over summer we worked at a movie theater together, and met up at a party, but we never really got to talk. About serious stuff.

This has to be a mistake. Or a cruel joke. Tomorrow at school someone will probably give me a sign by smiling or laughing when they look my way. I press play.

_Oh yeah. If you're on my list, then you should've received a map._

I'm on the list. A few weeks ago I found a map in my locker with a note on it: **SAVE THIS.** It also had a bunch of red stars on the inside. The map might still be in my backpack, squished at the bottom.

_I'll be mentioning a lot places in these tapes. If you want more detail, head for where the stars are marked._

She takes a deep breath.

_Ready Berrynose? You're first._

Berrynose was Hollyleaf's first kiss. But why is he on here?

_Oh, Berrynose. You were my first kiss. My first love. I used to have a huge crush on you and kept track of all your classes. When they look through my things and see the research I had on you, they'll probably think it's nothing more than an obsessed teenage crush. Does it really mean anything?_

_Yes, it does._

_This is where everything begins. When you get to the end of the tapes, I hope you'll understand what you have to do with my death, Berrynose. You think what you said doesn't matter, but it does. Everything matters._

_ One of the worst feelings is betrayal. I know you didn't mean to let me down. You probably didn't know what you were setting up._

_C-4 on the map. That's where I lived when I first moved here. And where I first saw you, Berrynose. Along with your friend Ashfur._

_At the time you were dating my friend, Cinderheart. We watched you from my window, and Cinderheart, in a way, introduced me to you._

I pause it. Why am I listening to this? Is it because of the rules? No… it's… I feel my eyes sting. It's because it's Hollyleaf's voice. I never thought I'd hear it again. I press play.

_During school, I always said hello to you. Sometimes you'd say it back, but that wasn't enough. I asked my mom how to get a boy's attention, and she said, "Play hard to get." So that's what I did. The next day I walked past you without saying a word, and that confused you. _

"_Aren't you going to say hello?" you had asked._

"_Why should I?" I shot back._

"_Because you always say hello." You soon asked for my number and waited for me outside my classes._

I can hear my mom call my name, and I press pause.

"Yes?" I ask.

"I don't want to disturb you, but I need to know if you're eating dinner with us." I look down at my map.

"No," I say. "I think I'm going to head to a friend's house, for his project."

"Alright. I'll leave leftovers in the fridge so you can heat them up later." After I'm done listening to this side of the tape, I'll probably stop at Flametail's house. He owns an old Walkman that plays tapes. It's yellow and has a skinny headset. If I got that, it would be easy to carry in my pocket as I follow the red stars.

_We soon set up our first date at Eisenhower Park. That night, I had my first kiss. Then we left, holding hands._

_What was that? Someone told you something else happened that night? That Hollyleaf is a slut?_

Her voice is trembling with anger.

_The rumors that Berrynose spread: not true. And those rumors were just the beginning. _

_Turn the tape over for the next story, please._

The tape stops.

When I get to Flametail's house, I see him and his dad near his truck.

"Hi," he greets me. "Dad, you remember Fallen Leaves, don't you?"

"Of course I do," his dad replies. "When you came over you were big on the please and thank you's." I smile.

"Yes sir."

"Fallen Leaves, do you mind getting in the truck. Start the engine when I say go." I get in and see the Walkman. Quickly, I stuff it in my backpack.

"All right, now!" his dad signals. I start the engine.

"Okay, you can stop it now." His face shows that he's pleased with whatever he did.

"I'm gonna go put this toolbox away." His dad says. Now it's just me and Flametail.

"Thanks for helping," he says.

"No problem," I reply.

"So, why'd you come here?" I feel the weight of the Walkman in my backpack.

"I just needed to get out." He stares a little too long.

"I'm heading to Rosie's Diner, need a lift?"

"Uh, no thanks." As I walk away, I feel my heart racing.


	3. Cassette 1: side B

**Cassette 1: side B**

_Hello again._

_All right Mousewhisker, you're up. You're probably confused, right? I mean, all you did was create a list saying I have the Best Ass in the Freshman Class. Wow, how could I get angry with that?_

_ If you think I'm being unreasonable, then too bad. _

_Who cares what everyone thinks of my ass? Well, a lot of people would if these tapes got out._

_ So let's start. _

_I remember sitting at my desk in history. We were watching a super-boring documentary, when I felt eyes. I turned around and saw Bumblestripe looking at my ass. Someone quickly whispered to him and he looked away. That's when I saw the slip of paper being passed around. I took a quick look at the top, WHO'S HOT/ WHO'S NOT._

I remember that. When I saw it, I just smirked. She was building a reputation.

A reputation that Berrynose started.

_I looked for my name and saw it in the hot category, and Honeyfern's right next to mine, in the other column. I stole a glance and she looked furious._

_ This tape isn't about your list. It's more about… how people reacted to it._

I stop. I've arrived at the first star; Hollyleaf's first house.

_ When you say someone has a nice ass, it gives certain people an excuse to treat you like that. Nothing but that particular body part. Example? Okay, B-3 on your map. Blue Spot Liquor._

It's about a block away. I start heading in that direction.

I should've just thrown that list away when I received it, instead of passing it on.

_I went there sometimes, to visit my cousin Lionblaze. Lionblaze was always funny, not very serious. The only time he _was _serious, was because of you, Mousewhisker. Thank you._

Oh god. What did he cause?

_While I was talking to Lionblaze, this guy from school came in. I'm not telling you the name, because he's got his own tape anyways._

I winced. I don't ever want to see Mousewhisker again. Who came in, and what did he do?

_So, the mystery guy, a jerk from school, yelled, "Hey Lionblaze!" and pretended not to see me. When he came closer he said, "Hey Hollyleaf." I ignored him, and then felt a hand on my ass._

I pause it. I've reached Blue Spot Liquor. When I walk in, it's not Lionblaze.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

"Um, is there a guy named Lionblaze who works here?"

"He works the dayshift."  
"Oh." I buy a Butterfinger. Hollyleaf's favorite.

When I walk out, I'm shaking really hard. Who touched her ass? I can't even eat the candy bar, so I just throw it away. I sit down on the sidewalk and press play.

_I quickly push him away. He didn't have the right to do that. But, because of your list, Mousewhisker, you gave him an excuse._

_ Lionblaze's expression was blank. "I have to go." I muttered, walking out the door. Before I could get out, he grabbed my wrist, tight._

I knew this guy. I've seen him do his stupid wrist-grabbing move. It was Tigerstar.

_I tried to yank it away, but that wasn't working. He let go and put his hand on my shoulder. "Relax," he said. "I'm only joking."_

"_Let her go," Lionblaze had said stiffly. I walked out of the store._

_ I'm not exactly blaming you for this, Mousewhisker. But your comment on me gave this guy permission to do whatever he wanted. _


	4. Cassette 2: side A

**Cassette 2: side A**

I can see the sun go down as I listen to the tape.

_During the beginning of Freshman Year, I had two friends who were also new to the town. Mousewhisker and Honeyfern. You never would've guessed, right?_

_ We met a month before school started and decided to hang out at Monet's Garden Café and Coffeehouse. E-7._

I pause it. There are people getting on a city bus. Should I go? Before it leaves, I run over there. At night it doesn't cost anything to get on. I occupy a bench that no one is sitting near and press play.

_ All three of us talked and laughed, relieved that on the first day of school, we would actually know some people._

_The first few weeks of the new school year, we decided to meet up at Monet's once in while. It was our meeting place. Our safe haven. We would go there to talk about problems or things bothering us._

_ We soon met other people, but Monet's was our place. To catch up._

_Mousewhisker soon stopped visiting. It was just Honeyfern and I. _

_And then it was just me._

I pause it and get off the bus. Then I head toward Monet's and press play.

_ Until that list. The list that Mousewhisker made. The one that had me in the 'hot' column and Honeyfern in the 'not hot' column._

_ At school Honeyfern had told me, "We need to talk," and I knew she meant Monet's. After school we met up there and she shoved the list at me._

"_It's just a stupid joke," I had said._

"_No, Hollyleaf. He picked you over me." Her eyes were closed and her voice was dangerously calm. I tried to argue that it was no big deal, but she cut me off._

"_Hollyleaf, I know all the rumors."_

There were rumors about Mousewhisker and Hollyleaf. The reason Honeyfern believed them was probably because they fit with the ones Berrynose spread.

_"You don't _know _them," I had said. "You only _heard _them."_

_But your mind was set, Honeyfern. It was easier to believe I was Hollyleaf the slut, than to believe I was the Hollyleaf you knew from Monet's._

_ I told you that I knew about yours and Mousewhisker's relationship. That I didn't do anything with him._

_I don't think you heard me. Because you opened your eyes, and, what? It felt like a scratch and a punch. Could you not decide? Ever since then I've had a little scar above my eyebrow._

I remember that scar. I thought, in a way, it was kind of cute. Now I feel like throwing up.

_I'm sure you've all seen it. And if you haven't, did you see it at my funeral? I bet if you guys had even dragged yourselves there, you wouldn't be able to see the other scars. The invisible scars that you left behind._

I walk into Monet's. No one went to your funeral, Hollyleaf.

There wasn't a funeral.


	5. Cassette 2: side B

**Cassette 2: side B**

Once I enter Monet's I order a coffee to keep me awake. I find an empty table and sit there, then press play for the next story.

There's no sound, just static at first, so I'm a little confused.

_Be quiet, if you're in a library._

She's whispering.

_Be quiet, if you're at a wedding or church._

_Sometimes, you'll need to remember to be quiet, if there's no one there to warn you._

_ Like, if you're going to be little Peeping Tom, you need to be careful. What if that person heard you? _

_What if she heard you? What if _I _heard you, Breezepelt?_

_Look's like you _weren't_ careful._

I had no idea. Breezepelt had seemed like an average guy.

_Did you get a good look at me? Or were you disappointed? I'm trying to understand what's so fun about that… who thinks they know where I am?_

I take a sip of my coffee? Where is she?

_I'm right outside your window, Breezepelt. You have bamboo shutters, fake or real, I'm not sure._

_A-4 on your maps, dear children. _

_I'm crouching behind a bush, so I feel safe and secure. What about you, Breezepelt?_

_Let's see… he just got in his room. He's on the edge of his bed taking off his shoes, now his socks…_

God, don't embarrass yourself, Breezepelt.

_Wait; don't go to the kitchen… oh well. I guess we'll have it your way. Now I'll have to tell your story._

_I don't know how long you have been doing this, but the first time I realized it was when my parents were out of town. I was in my room, the window wide open, lying on my bed. Sometimes I liked to look at the stars in the night. That's when I heard the first…_click.

Breezepelt, you are such an idiot.

_Everyone knows the sound of a camera. The next day at school I tapped on the girl in front of me - - - don't worry, you'll hear about her on the next tape._

Everyone Hollyleaf meets just stabs her in the back.

_We were usually friendly towards each other. I told her about my little Peeping Tom problem. I expected her to be caring and sympathize with me, but she did the opposite._

"_A Peeping Tom? Like, a real one?" I nodded my head._

"_That sounds kind of, I don't know, sexy." I couldn't believe my ears. Couldn't she take this seriously?_

Who was she?

"_I need your help," I said. "What if he comes back today?" she grinned._

"_Then you'll have to tell me about it tomorrow." She turned back around, and a new idea burst into my mind. I tapped on her shoulder again._

"_My parents are out of town; how would you like to help me catch him?"_

_ When she came over, we made sure her car was parked out in the front so it was visible. Two girls: irresistible. We sat down in front of each other on my bed and "gossiped."_

"_Oh my god! You guys did _what _together?" she fake-exclaimed. _Click. _ Her eyes opened wide._

"_Pretend you didn't hear," she whispered, "Play along." I nodded._

_ Every once in a while there was the occasionally click, and then nothing._

"_I've got an idea," the girl said. And then, in a louder voice, "Hey, Hollyleaf, I'm in the mood for a back massage." I gave her a grin, and she slowly slid onto my bed. _Click.

_I leaned over her. _Click.

_And put my hands on her shoulders. _Click.

"_On the count of three, pull open the blinds and we'll see if this is someone from school," she whispered. I tried to argue, saying one of us should just "go to the bathroom" and call the cops. She kept persisting, so we went with her idea._

You should've just called the cops, Hollyleaf.

_She got off my bed. _

"_Do you have any lotion?" she asked loudly. _Click. _That sound made me furious. Fine, I would play along._

"_In my top drawer," I replied. All of a sudden she gasped. What? What was it?_

"_I didn't know you used these kind of things," she said._

"_Should we…try them out together?"_

"_Sure." She gasped again._

"_Oh my god, how many do you have?"_

"_Count them," I said._

"_One… Two… Three!" On the count of three I yanked open the blinds, but couldn't get a good look at your face. The other girl was staring somewhere else._

"_Holy crap! He was masturbating! He's shoving his dick into his pants!" she yelled._

_ The next day I asked a few people what they had been doing the other night. Your reply was interesting, Breezepelt. Almost guilty._

"_Wh - - I, uh, washing my dog. No, I mean my car! Or um, actually I was just… um, busy doing something. Homework."_

Dumbass.

_ Congratulations. Ever since your little missions, I've made sure my window was closed. My blinds twisted shut. I never looked out at the stars again, or the sunset. You took away my privacy, my comfort, and most of all, my peace of mind._

_So who is the girl I keep mentioning? The one that helped me expose you? Well, the next tape tells you._

I take off my headphones. I need a break. This isn't the way I want to remember her.

At the back of Monet's there's a bookshelf. I find a scribble book and open it. There's names in there: Hollyleaf, Honyfern, and Mousewhisker. On the next page there's a picture of Hollyleaf smiling, her arm around another student. Dawnpelt. But why does she look so nervous?


	6. Cassette 3: side A

**Cassette 3: side A**

_Dawnpelt. What a perfect little name. What a perfect girl. Everyone thinks so. Is that why you helped me catch the peeping tom? To keep your perfect reputation of being so thoughtful?_

It was Dawnpelt?

_I honestly thought we were becoming friends. It turns out I was just another person you needed to make nice with. After our discovery, everything had gone back to normal._

I pause it and get on the night bus again. I should probably go to Breezepelt's house, A-4. I press play.

_Until you needed me. _

_On the night of the party._

_D-4 on your maps. Dawnpelt's house._

I'll go there after Breezepelt's house.

"_Let's go to the party together," you had said after class._

"_Sure," I had replied, "What time should I pick you up?" You wrote it down on a piece of paper. Then you left. But guess what?_

_You didn't even say goodbye._

_When I drove to your house, you got in and said, "Thanks for the lift." Not the greeting I was hoping for. I wanted to be wrong about what I thought of you, Dawnpelt. Honestly. But going to a party with someone and giving them a lift are very different things._

_ When we got there you left to chat with some friends._

"_Don't forget," you had called. "You're my ride." Of course._

Someone's calling my name. I pause it and turn around. It was Ivypool. I used to have a crush on her. She was wearing a gray sweatshirt and sweat pants.

"Hi, Ivypool."

"I think you missed your house," she said. That's the most words I have ever heard her speak.

"No. Where are you going?" she smirks and her eyes are on mine. She's trying to make me feel uncomfortable, and it's working.

Why does she act like this; like an outcast? One day she just stopped wanting to be part of anything. No one knows why.

We're at my stop. I can stay and try to talk with Ivypool, or get out.

"See you tomorrow," I say.

I head towards Breezpelt's house and stop. His window is broken and has duct tape. Was it a rock that did that? Did someone from the list throw it?

"Feel like throwing something?" I turn around. Hawkfrost is leaning against a hedge with a rock in his hand.

"Take it." He says.

"Why?"

"You'll feel better, Fallen Leaves." I look over at the window, and back at him.

"Are you on the tapes?" I ask. He doesn't need to answer. He's trying to hold back a smile, so he's obviously not ashamed. I glance at the window again.

"Was that you?" he gives me the rock.

"A lot of people have come here. You'd be the first to say no." We're all on the tapes. We're all guilty of something.

"You're a dick, Hawkfrost."

"What?" he asks.

"You're on the tapes too." I say

"So are you, Fallen Leaves." I try to keep my voice from shaking.

"What makes us better than him?"

"He's a peeping tom. A freak. He looked through Hannah's window, so why not break his?"

"What about you?" I ask. "What did you do?" his eyes hardened.

"Nothing," he finally said. "I don't deserve to be on that fucking list. Hollyleaf just needed an excuse to go emo." I stared at him, and barely notice when the rock dropped from my hand.

"Get the fuck away from me." I said.

"It's my street." I walk away and don't look back. When I'm far enough away, I press play.

_All of a sudden this guy I don't know comes up to me._

"_Hi," he says. "Dawnpelt said I should talk to you." I softened up. At least she told a cute guy to come and talk to me._

"_She says you're fun to hang out with." We start talking and he confesses._

"_Dawnpelt didn't tell me to come over here. I overheard her talking about you and came over."_

"_What did she say?" I demanded. He just smiled and looked down._

"_That you're fun to hang out with," he repeats._

"_How?" Guess what? She had told him I had a few surprises in my drawers._

Rage builds inside me. _Liar! _ That wasn't true. She lied!

_I felt tears in my eyes._

"_Did she say what was in there?" I choke out. Again, he smiled. I rushed over to Dawnpelt and grabbed her arm._

"_How about a yearbook picture?" I said with a smile._

"_I don't want one," she muttered, trying to get released from my grip._

"_Why not? I thought we were friends."_

"_We are friends."_

_Then come on." Breezepelt is part of the yearbook staff. We go over to him._

"_Hello. I want you to take a picture of me and Dawnpelt for the yearbook."_

That's why Dawnpelt looked so nervous in the picture.

"_Uh- um sure." He said. That didn't go as planned for either of you, did it?_


	7. Cassette 3: side B

**Cassette 3: side B**

_Who remembers the cheesy Valentine's Day surveys we filled out?_

I remember.

_After we turned them in, we had to wait five days to find out who our 'true love' was._

The cheerleaders would do the countdown on the loudspeakers.

_Four more days for your soul mate! Three more…Two more… one… Today is the day you've been waiting for!_

_ I probably shouldn't have turned in my survey. I could've been setting myself up with some jerk who wanted me because of my fake reputation. I was right._

_ While filling it out, I realized I was describing a specific person._

I should've taken the survey seriously. Instead I tried to be funny and put a lot of stupid stuff. Would Hollyleaf have been my 'soul mate' if I had been honest when filling it out?

_When I got my survey back, there was a paper attached to it. A list of five names and their phone numbers. People who could possibly be my 'perfect match.' Before I could decide to contact one of them, someone contacted me._

Who?

_That's where you come in, Hawkfrost._

I should've punched him when I had the chance.

_You asked me out, and I didn't mind. I believed you were a nice person. Everyone thought you were funny. You always cracked jokes in class._

But something happened.

_We finally agreed to go to Rosie's._

Rosie's Diner.

_E-5 on your maps. _

_I waited. And waited for you. Five minutes. Ten. Fifteen. Even the slowest person could have walked from school and arrived at Rosie's in fifteen minutes._

So you stood her up. What a jerk.

_And finally you arrived._

"_Sorry," you said. Though you didn't sound very sorry._

So if you didn't stand her up, what _did _you do?

My phone starts vibrating. It's mom.

"Hi," I say.

"Is everything alright?" she asks. I squeeze my eyes shut.

"I'm fine."

"Where are you?"

"I'm… " I start to head towards the direction of Rosie's.

"I'm at Rosie's Diner. Working on the project with Flametail."

"Okay." I only brought three tapes with me…

"Hey mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you do me a favor? I left some tapes in my room; can you bring them?"

"Sure." She hangs up, and I realize too late. What if she listens to the tapes? What if she listens to _my _tape? I suck in a huge breath, and head towards the diner.

"_It's fine." I told you. We were sitting on the stools near the entrance. Suddenly you wanted to move to a booth. I agreed. But guess where the booth was? Near the back of the diner. A little away from the rest of the people._

_ Like I said, you were funny. At one point my head was on your shoulder, and I was laughing so hard. Then you put your hand on my knee, and I knew._

_We were near the back of the diner._

_I was wedged between you and a wall._

"_What are you doing?" I had whispered._

I start to sweat and shake. This is too much.

"_Do you want me to move it?" you asked. I didn't reply. I couldn't reply. I nearly stopped breathing. You started to caress it, all the way up to my thigh._

"_Why are you doing that?" I breathed. Under the table your other hand gripped my other leg. My fingers were desperately trying to pry your hands off._

I grit my teeth and my hands ball into fists.

_I looked around. Tried to catch someone's eye. When I did, they just looked away. But then I caught someone's glance for a few seconds. And that person just looked away too._

Who?

_Were they just trying to be polite? Was that it, Ashfur?_

Ashfur again? He was on the first tape with Berrynose.

"_Stop it," I told you. My mouth was right near your ear. I know you heard me._

"_Don't worry," you had said. And you probably realized you didn't have much time left because your hands went all the way up. That's when I rammed both of my hands into your side. You fell out of the booth, and laughed, making a big show of it so no one would suspect anything._

_ It felt like I was the only one who cared about me._

_My first kiss spread rumors and gave me a bad reputation._

_The two friends I first had at this school turned against me._

_Then someone took away my privacy. My sense of security._

_I told myself to calm down. Stop being so paranoid and try to trust people. So I decided I would try, one last time. And look what happens._

_ The next day, Hawkfrost, I started to wonder…how would people feel if one of the students never came back._

_Like the song goes, "You are lost and gone forever, oh my darling Valentine." _


	8. Cassette 4: side A

**Cassette 4: side A**

When I get there, my mom's car isn't parked anywhere. But she'll be here soon. I go in and sit at an empty counter. I watch as a guy takes a key off a hook to go to the bathroom. The door opens and I see my mother. She heads towards me.

"Did you order yet?" she asks, sitting down and handing me a shoebox. The shoebox with the tapes.

I shake my head.

"Where's Flametail?"

"He's, ah, in the bathroom." She looks past me for a moment. _Thank god someone took the key. _She stares at me for a few seconds.

As she gets up, the guy gets out of the bathroom and walks back to his table, kissing his girlfriend as he sits down.

"Fallen Leaves?" she asks.

"Yes?" I say. She forces a smile. A hurt smile.

"Don't be long, honey." I look into her eyes. _Seven more stories._

"It may be a while." I tell her. She puts her hand on my head.

"Be careful." And then she's gone. I take out the next tape.

_Everyone's favorite class is Peer Communications. It's an easy A. After feeling like an outcast for so long, Peer Communications was my new safe haven. Everyday for one period, you couldn't touch or gossip or snicker at me._

_Mrs. Bluestar hated snickering. If you disobeyed her rule, you owed her a Snickers bar the next day. If it was a big snicker, you owed her a King size Snickers bar._

_ All we had to do in that class was discuss things. Anything. Bullies. Real-world problems. Drugs. Relationships._

_I could go on about how great this period was. But something happened in that class, right?_

_ So, in the back of the room, there was a rack of paper bags with everyone's name on it. People would write down comments on a piece of paper and put it in your bag. Everyone always ended up with at least a few notes. And they were never mean or sarcastic. We had too much respect for Mrs. Bluestar._

_So what's your excuse, Ashfur?_

All of a sudden the tape paused. I look up and see Flametail.

"Is this my Walkman?" I don't say anything. I have a hard time reading his expression. It's not anger. Confusion? No. It's the same look he gave me earlier.

Worry. Concern.

"Hey… Flametail." I say.

"It is. I saw it in your car and think I, uh, asked if I could borrow it." Dumbass. I'm a bad liar.

He looks into my eyes again.

"Keep it as long as you need it." With that, he walks away to a booth.

_Don't worry. You never left a rude note in my bag, Ashfur. You did worse._

_Let's see how it all started. How it all started… at Rosie's._

_ There I was, sitting at the booth even after Hawkfrost left. You walked up and sat across from me. I didn't even look up. My trust was in the process of collapsing._

_You just sat there, practically staring at me. Finally you cleared your throat and asked if I was all right. I managed to nod. I kept looking down, thinking: is this what it's like to go insane?_

"_I'm sorry," you had said, "For whatever just happened." I still didn't reply. Getting nothing out of me, you returned to your friends._

_My eyes began to water, but I continued to stare at the table. If I had even made the littlest sound, I would have lost it._

_Or had I already lost it?_

_ I'll admit this; at that table, that's when the bad thoughts finally started to get out of control._

_Oh Ashfur. You should know you're not on this tape because you tried to save me. Before you received these tapes, I bet you thought no one would ever find out what you did. And when you found out what _I _did, you were probably sick to your stomach._

_Let me just ask, Ashfur, why did you do it? Were you trying to get back at me for embarrassing you in front of your friends? Telling them to watch and learn, and then I hardly respond?_

_When I broke out of my shock, I listened to you and your friends. They were teasing you about getting the "date" you were supposed to have. You could've ignored them. But instead you took the teasing. And then decided to get me back in one of the most childish ways._

_You took my bag of notes._

How stupid.

_So what bugged me? Well, everyone else was getting notes but me. I needed those. To know that someone cared. _

_The same day I got a haircut. _

_The next day at school, I was positive some people would notice my change, but found no notes in the bag. I waited for weeks, and received no more notes. I knew something was up, so I wrote a note to myself._

_The day after, my note was gone._

_It probably didn't seem like a big deal to you, Ashfur, but like I said before, I _needed_ those notes. My whole world was falling apart. I needed hope._

_But you took that hope away._

_I decided to stay after the period was over to find out where my notes were disappearing. _

_That's when I saw you reach into my bag and take out some slips of paper. When you walked out the door, we were face to face. My eyes were burning. You just walked around me and down the hall._

"_Why?" I had yelled when you were halfway down the hallway. Tears over spilled._

"_Why? Why Ashfur?" I kept repeating._

I had heard about that. Hollyleaf having a meltdown for no apparent reason. But there was a reason.

_Mrs. Bluestar also had a bag. I decided to write a note for a topic we could talk about. It said: "Suicide. It's something I've been thinking about." The next day we discussed it. One person said what most people were probably thinking._

"_The person who wrote this just wants attention. If they were serious, they would tell us who they are." I don't know what I was hoping for when I wrote that note. I guess I just wanted someone to realize what I was going through._

_At the end of class, Mrs. Bluestar printed out papers about suicide, titled: The Warning Signs of a Suicidal Individual._

_In the top five ways was:_

"_A sudden change of appearance."_

_I tugged on the ends of my chopped off hair. Who knew I was so predictable?_


	9. Cassette 4: side B

**Cassette 4: side B**

I see Flametail leave his booth and go into his truck. Except he doesn't drive away. He's just sitting in there. Odd.

_Poetry. I used to hate it. Until someone showed me how to appreciate it. He told me to visualize poetry as a puzzle. It's up to us to decipher the code, the hidden meaning._

_ Did the poet use blue to symbolize water? Sadness? Calm? Or because it simply sounded better than purple?_

_The same guy also taught me to appreciate the value in writing poetry._

_ If you're angry, you don't need to write a poem based on the reason. Just make it an angry poem. And when you're done with it, decipher your poem as if you just found it in a textbook and you knew nothing about the author. The results can be amazing… and yet terrifying._

_ But hey, it's cheaper than a therapist._

_I did that for a while. Poetry, instead of a therapist._

Maybe a therapist would've helped, Hollyleaf.

_But poetry gave me information. Information about myself. I realized I stopped writing it when I didn't want to know about myself anymore._

_ If you hear a sad song that makes you cry, you can stop listening to it. But you can't stop listening to yourself._

_ I decided to try and write happy poems. They taught a course for free called Poetry: To Love Life._

_D-7 on your map. The community room at the public library._

It's too dark to go there.

_It turns out that course was the opposite. They wanted us to write about dark stuff._

_But something good came out of it, right?_

_Nope._

_You see, someone else was taking that course. The editor of our school's _Lost-N-Found Gazette.

Onestar.

_You all know who I'm talking about. But I'll say the name anyways… Onestar._

_ What you did was collect lost things and put them in the school paper._

_A love letter thrown in the trash…_

_Photographs that fell out of lockers…_

_History notes, covered in doodles and drawings…_

_Once you collected five or six items, you would print copies and spread them all over school._

_Most of this stuff he found by chance, but my poem… is something he stole._

_ Each week after our poetry group, me and Onestar would sit on the steps of the library and share our poems. We looked at each other's notebooks, and one of my poems grabbed him. He wanted to know more about it. Why I wrote it. _

_I didn't really say anything, but you saw how deep it was so you stole my notebook._

_ Do you know what the English teacher said when he passed out the poem for us to decipher? He said it was like reading a classic from a dead poet. That's right - - a dead poet._

_He kept waiting for someone to confess to writing it, but that never happened. Here it is for those of you who need a refresher._

_Soul Alone_

_I meet your eyes_

_You don't even see me_

_You hardly respond_

_When I whisper _

_Hello_

_Could be my soul mate_

_Two kindred spirits_

_Maybe we're not_

_I guess we'll never _

_Know_

_My own mother_

_You carried me in you_

_Now you see nothing_

_But what I wear_

_People ask you_

_How I am doing_

_You smile and nod_

_Don't let it end there_

_Put me_

_Under God's sky and_

_Know me_

_Don't just see me with your eyes_

_Take away_

_This mask of flesh and bone and_

_See me_

_For my soul_

_Alone_

_So let's see. Because of you, Berrynose, school wasn't safe for me. Because of you, Mousewhisker, my home wasn't safe either. And now my thoughts, spread out to the whole school._

_Thank you, Onestar._

**A/N: IMPORTANT! Ok, so I copied the poem from the book word for word because I felt I shouldn't change it. Also, could you guys please read my story "Lionblaze's Confusion" and review it? Please? It only has like three reviews, so I would very much appreciate your encouragement. **


	10. Cassette 5: side A

**Cassette 5: side A**

As I walk out of Rosie's Diner, someone calls my name. I see Flametail, sitting in his truck. He waves me over.

I'm outside the passenger door. He doesn't look at me. He just closes his eyes.

"Get in, Fallen Leaves."

"Is everything okay?" I ask. He nods, still not looking at me. I get in and shut the door. Hollyleaf's shoebox with the tapes is resting on my lap.

"Where are we going?" he doesn't answer.

"You're ninth person I've had to follow, Fallen Leaves."

"What do you mean?"

"Hollyleaf wasn't bluffing. The second set of tapes she mentioned? I have them."

"Oh God." I bury my face in my hands. There's a pain pounding behind my eyebrow. I press on it. Hard.

"It's okay," he says. I can't face him. What does he know? About me? What did he hear?

"What were you listening to in there?"

"What?"

"Which tape?" the pounding in my head is more painful.

"It's okay Fallen Leaves. Honest. Which tape?" I squeeze my eyes shut.

"Onestar's. The poem." I look at him. He's tense.

"What?" I ask. He doesn't answer.

"Why'd she give you the second set of tapes?" he starts the car.

"I'm going to drive while you listen to the next tape." He says.

"Tell me why she gave them to you."

"I'll tell you if you just listen to the next tape right now."

"Why?"

"Fallen Leaves, I'm not playing around. Just listen to the next tape."

"Answer my question first."

"Because the next tape is yours. It's about you." I'm silent. I don't blink. I don't breathe. And then I have a break down.

I pound the door. I keep pounding it until I can't feel the pain. And then I slam my head against the seat.

Flametail puts his hand on my shoulder.

"Listen to it." He starts the car again. I can feel tears rolling down my face. I put the tape in the Walkman.

_Romeo, oh Romeo. Where art thou Romeo?_

This is my tape. This is how it begins.

_Good question, Juliet. I wish I had the answer._

_I'll be honest. There was never really a point when I said to myself, Fallen Leaves… he's the one._

Just hearing my name makes the pounding in my head worse. I can feel my heart twist.

_I'm not even sure how much of the real Fallen Leaves I got to know over the years. Everything I knew was second-hand information. That's why I wanted to find out more about him. Everything I heard - - I mean everything - - was good!_

_It was one of those things where once you noticed it, you couldn't stop noticing it._

_ For example, Mapleshade. She always wears black. Black pants. Or black shoes. Or a black shirt. If all she's wearing is a black jacket, she'll keep it on all day. The next time you see her, you'll notice. And then you won't be able to stop noticing it._

_ Purdy is the same way. Whenever he raises his hand to ask a question or say something, he always starts with "all right."_

"_Yes Purdy?"_

"_All right, if Thomas Jefferson was a slave owner…"_

"_Yes Purdy?"_

"_All right, I got 89.66653."_

"_Yes Purdy?"_

"_All right, can I have a hall pass?_

_Seriously. Every time. And now you'll notice it too… every time._

I've noticed it. But can we please carry on?

_I'd always try to listen in on gossip about Fallen Leaves. It became a habit of mine. I just couldn't believe someone was that good. Normally, when someone has a perfect image, there's another person waiting to tear it apart. Waiting for that one fatal flaw to expose itself._

_But not with Fallen Leaves._

_I hope this tape doesn't make you try to look for that deep dark secret of his. But wait, isn't that what you're doing Hollyleaf? Setting him up as Mr. Perfect and then tearing him down? You were the one waiting. Waiting for the fatal flaw._

_The answer… No._

I breathe a sigh of relief.

_Fallen Leaves, your name doesn't deserve to be on these tapes. Not the way the others do. But you need to be here if I'm going to tell the story more completely._

_The next few tapes are centered around a certain night._

The party.

_It drags many of you into the story. Some of you for the second time. A random night no one can take back._

_So, Fallen Leaves. I wasn't even supposed to be at this party. My grades were going down so I was grounded. But then I heard you were going to be there._

_C-6 on your maps. Five-twelve Cottonwood._

Is that where Flametail's driving to right now?

_You walked up to me, out of the blue, and said hello._

No, not out of the blue. When I saw you arrive I freaked out and went into the backyard, pacing. I kept telling myself to calm down.

_We started talking and went to go sit on the couch. It was partially occupied by a couple._

Partially occupied by Berrynose and Honeyfern.

_Everything I wanted was happening. The questions were personal, as if catching up for the time we let pass. Yet they never felt intrusive._

_Because they weren't intrusive. I wanted you to know me._

It was wonderful. I couldn't believe Hollyleaf and I were finally talking.

_It seemed like you could know me. Understand anything I told you. The more we spoke, I could see why. The same things concerned us. The same things excited us._

You could've told me anything, Hollyleaf. That night, nothing was off limits. I would've stayed and listened to you open up… but you didn't.

_I wanted you to know everything. And it hurt because some things were too scary to talk about. Some things I didn't understand. How could I tell someone - - - someone I was talking to for the first time - - - everything I was thinking?_

_I couldn't. It was too soon._

But you're telling me now. Why did you wait this long?

_Fallen Leaves, you kept saying you knew things would flow easily between us. You felt that way for a long time. That we would connect._

_But how? I knew what people said about me. I heard all the rumors and lies that will always be a part of me._

I knew they weren't true, Hollyleaf. I mean, I hoped they weren't true. But I was too scared to find out.

_I was breaking. If only I'd talked to you sooner. We could've been… we could've… I don't know. But things had gone too far by then. My mind was set. Not on ending my life… but talking or getting close to anyone._

_But then I went to a party. I went to a party to meet you._

_Why did I do that? To make myself suffer? Because that's what I was doing. Hating myself for waiting so long. Hating myself because it wasn't fair to you._

The only thing that's not fair are these tapes, Hollyleaf. Because I was there for you. We were talking. You could have said anything. I would've listened to anything.

_The couple on the couch sitting next to us, the girl was drunk and laughing and bumping into me every so often. It was funny at first, but got old pretty fast._

Why aren't you saying her name?

_Fallen Leaves and I left. We walked around the party, and soon ended up in the doorway of an empty room._

_We were laughing, our backs against the wall. You were everything. Everything that made the loneliness, the sadness disappear. You were exactly what I needed._

_So I leaned in._

_And I kissed you._

No, I kissed you.

_And when we came up for air, you asked, "What was that for?"_

Right. You kissed me.

_To which I answered, "You're such an idiot." And we kissed again._

An idiot. Yes, I remember that too.

_Eventually we shut the door and moved deeper into the room._

Amazing. We were finally together. That's what I was thinking the whole time. Amazing.

_Some of you may be wondering, Why didn't we hear about this? We always hear about who Hollyleaf hooks up with._

Because I never told anyone.

_Wrong. You only thought you found out. Because of the rumors. I only need one hand to count how many people I've made out with. You probably thought I'd need both hands and feet just to get started, right?_

_ What? You don't believe me? You're shocked? Well guess what… I don't care. The last time I cared about what anyone thought was that night. And that was the last night._

I clasp my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming.

But a sound comes out anyway.

And Flametail keeps driving.

_Now get ready, because I'm about to tell you what me and Fallen Leaves did that night._

_We kissed._

_That's it._

_The kisses were kisses that said I could start over if I wanted to. Start over with him._

_And that's when I thought of you, Berrynose. You were my first kiss. I thought about how you ruined that memory._

"_Stop," I told Fallen Leaves. My hands stopped pulling him in._

You pushed your hands against my chest.

_I shut my eyes so tight, it was painful. Trying to push away all that I was seeing in my head. Seeing everyone on this list. Seeing everyone add up to that night. Everyone who caused me to be so intrigued by Fallen Leaves' reputation. How it was different than mine._

We were the same.

_I couldn't help that. What everyone thought of me was out of my control._

_And I was there, with you, adding to my reputation._

It wasn't like that. I was never going to tell, Hollyleaf.

"_Stop," I repeated. I pushed you away and turned to the side, burying my face in a pillow. _

_You started to talk, but I made you stop. I asked you to leave. You started talking again and I screamed. I screamed into the pillow._

_And then you stopped talking. You heard me._

_I felt the bed lift on your side as you got up to go, but it took you forever to leave. To realize I was serious._

I was hoping you'd tell me to stop again. To stop leaving.

_Even though my eyes stayed shut, buried under the pillow, the light changed when you opened the door. It grew brighter. And when you left… it faded._

Why did I listen? Why did I leave her there? She needed me and I knew that.

But I was scared. Again, I let myself get scared.

_I slid off the bed and onto the floor, hugging my knees… and crying._

_That, Fallen Leaves, is where your story ends._

But it shouldn't have. I was there for you, Hollyleaf. You could've reached out but you never did. I would've helped you. I wanted to help you.

_You left the room and we never spoke again._

Your mind was set.

_In the hallways you tried catching my eye, but I always looked away. Because that night, when I got home, I tore a page from my notebook and wrote down name after name. The names going through my mind when I stopped kissing you._

_There were so many, Fallen Leaves. At least three dozen._

_I started making the connections._

_I circled your name first, Berrynose. Then drew a line from it connecting to Mousewhisker._

_After your name, Fallen Leaves, I drew a line to a previous name._

Berrynose.

_But that person has already received the tapes, so skip him and mail them to the next person when you're done._

On Berrynose's tape, she said his name would reappear.

And he was at the party.

On the couch with Honeyfern.

_I'm sorry, Fallen Leaves._

The tape ends. My eyes sting because I haven't closed them since I found out Hollyleaf cried when I left the room.

Flametail slows the truck and pulls over to a curb.

"You okay?" he asks. I shake my head.

"Are you going to be okay?" he presses.

"I miss her." I say. "I didn't know what to make of that night. I'd liked her for so long, but never had a chance to tell her.

"I never knew what she was going through until now." I wipe my eyes.

"Thanks for listening to all that," I say. Flametail pulls us back into the street and doesn't look at me.

"You're welcome."


	11. Cassette 5: side B

**Cassette 5: side B**

"Were you at the party?" I ask Flametail, my voice hollow.

"No."

"Why - -Why did she give you the second set of tapes?"

"I'm going to drive us to the party house. I'll tell you there," he says.

"You can't tell me now?"

He gives me a weak smile.

"I'm trying to keep us on the road."

I press play.

_ Soon after Fallen Leaves left, the couple from the couch came in. The girl was even drunker than before._

_ They didn't see me because it was dark and I was on the floor, my back against the far side of the bed._

_ The guy kept her from stumbling and helped her onto the bed. I thought he was going to just tuck her in and leave, so I could make my escape._

_ But, of course, if that were the case, then this tape wouldn't even be worth making._

_ He got on the bed with her. From what I could tell, it was mostly one-sided kissing. Finally, after the longest time of not getting a response out of her, he left._

_ By now you must be thinking, What are their names, Hollyleaf? You forgot to tell us._

_ I didn't forget anything, I assure you. By now you should know that._

_ The reason I'm not saying his name is that I'd like to give him some time to squirm. I can see it already; eyes shut, fists clenched._

_ He needs to remember what happened in the room that night. What he did… Or actually, what he _didn't _do._

_ I know you barely knew her. That you barely ever talked to her, but is that the best excuse you can come up with? The best excuse for what happened next?_

_ I got up from where I was sitting, clutching the bed for support. I could see the shadow of your shoes, visible in the light coming from underneath the door. I didn't know what I would say to you when I opened it, but I had to get out._

_ Another shadow of a pair of shoes appeared and I froze. The door opened but then you pulled it shut._

"_No… Let her rest," I heard you say. I made my way over to what seemed to be a closet and hid. I could hear your friend convincing you to let him in. The door opened again and you tried to pull it shut._

_ "Seriously," you said, trying to make a joke out of it, "She won't even move. She'll just lay there."_

_And what was his response? What did he finally say to make you step aside? Do you even remember?_

_ I certainly do._

_It was the night shift._

_He told you he had to work the night shift pretty soon._

"_I only need a few minutes," he said. "Just relax."_

Just relax.

Just relax.

It was Tigerstar. It had to be. He always says that to the people he's trying to take advantage of. Guys. Girls. Anyone.

_Wow. _

_I couldn't believe it. And neither could your friend because he didn't rush to turn the doorknob. He waited for you to protest._

_You didn't._

_The moment he walked in, I felt sick. I covered my mouth with my hands and cried. But the music was so loud he couldn't hear me. The music was so loud, no one could hear him walk across the room. No one could hear the bedsprings shriek under his weight._

_ Maybe I could've stopped it._

_I could've stopped it, end of story. But I didn't. Didn't even try. My head was spinning too fast and my emotions were out of control._

Flametail parks the car in front of the party house.

_ When he got off the bed, I waited. Waited for him to find me. What would he do when he did?_

_But then the door opened, and he was gone._

_I quickly got out of the room and ran into you. The person who made it happen. The person who this whole tape revolves around. Berrynose._

My stomach tightens and I push open the car door. Vomit rushes out of my mouth.

_Don't worry, Berrynose. I'm not blaming you entirely. We both had our chance, and we both did nothing._

I sit there, kneeling in the grass.

_So, why is this tape about Berrynose? Yes, what the other guy did was much worse, but these tapes need to be passed on._

_If he knew… that we knew, he would probably destroy them and get the hell out of here._

I pause it and walk back to Flametail's truck.

"Why?" I ask. "Why do you have these tapes? What did you do?" It's a few minutes before he answers.

"Nothing," he says. "And that's the truth." He turns and looks at me.

"I'll explain when you're done listening to that tape. It's almost finished."

I press play.

_What do you think of him now, Berrynose? Do you hate him? Your friend that raped the girl, is he still your friend?_

_Yes, but why?_

_It must be denial. It has to be. Sure, he's always had a temper. Sure, he goes through girls like underwear. But he's always been a good friend to you. And the more you hang out with him, the more he seems like the same guy from before, right? And if he acts like the same guy, then he couldn't have possibly done anything wrong. Which means you didn't do anything wrong either._

_Great! That's great news for you, Berrynose. You have no idea how much I wish you didn't ruin that girl's life._

_But I did._

_At least, I helped. And so did you._

_I didn't rape her. You didn't rape her. He did. But you and I… we let it happen._

_It's our fault._


	12. Cassette 6: side A

**Cassette 6: side A**

"The tape finished," I tell Flametail. He takes a deep breath.

"She came over to my house," he starts. "That was my chance."

"Your chance for what?"

"Fallen Leaves, the signs were all there."

"I had my chance too," I said, my eyes stinging. "At the party. She was freaking out when we kissed and I didn't know why. That was my chance to help her out and ask what was wrong."

"We're all to blame," Flametail says. "At least a little."

"So she came to your house," I say.

"With her bike," Flametail continues. "The one she always rode to school."

"The blue one," I say knowingly.

"Yeah. She had never come to my house before, so I was a little surprised. But we were friendly at school so I didn't think too much of it. What was really weird, though, was _why_ she came over."

"Why?"

"She wanted to give me her bike." He looked out the side window of his car. "She wanted me to have it. She said she was done with it. When I asked for a reason, she just shrugged. She didn't have one. But it was a sign. I missed it." I think about the handout we had received at school a while ago. The one for suicide awareness.

"Giving away possessions," I say aloud. Flametail just nods.

"She said I was the only one she could think of who might need it. I drive the oldest car at school, she said, and she thought if it ever broke down I might need some back up. I told her I couldn't take it. At least, not without giving her something in return."

"What did you give her?"

"You'll never forgive me for this," he said, tears forming in his eyes.

"What did she ask for?" I say shakily.

"She asked me hoe I made the tapes I play in my car. So I told her about my dad's tape recorder. Then she asked if I had anything to record voices with. Like a handheld recorder or something. Something you didn't have to plug in but could walk around with. And I didn't ask why. I just told her to wait and I would go get it."

"You gave it to her?"

He looks at me, his face hard. "There's no way I could've known what she was going to do with it, Fallen Leaves."

"I'm not accusing you," I say quickly. He takes a deep breath.

"A few days later, when I get home from school there's a package sitting on my porch. I take it up to my room and start listening to the tapes. But it doesn't make any sense."

"Did she leave a note or anything?"

"No. Just the tapes. But it didn't make sense because Hollyleaf and I have third period together, and she was at school that day."

"What?"

"So when I got home I started listening to the tapes. I went through them fast, fast-forwarding so I could find my name, but I never did. That's when I realized I wasn't on them. I knew it was me she had given the second set of tapes to. Immediately I looked her up in the phone book and called her house, but no one answered. Then I called her parents' store. I asked if Hollyleaf was there. They said no so I told them there was something wrong and they needed to find her, but I couldn't make myself tell them why. And the next day at school," he takes an unsteady breath. "She wasn't there.

"I went home early that day, pretending I was sick. It took a few days to pull myself together. But when I returned, Berrynose looked like shit. Then Mousewhisker. And I thought, okay, most of these people deserve it so I'll do what she says and make sure they all hear what she has to say."

"But how are you keeping track?" I ask. "How did you know I had the tapes?"

"You were easy," he says. "You stole my Walkman, Fallen Leaves." We both laugh, and it feels good. Needed.

"But everyone else," he starts. "They were trickier. I'd run to my car after the last bell and drive as close to the front of the school as possible. When I saw whoever I though might currently have the tapes, I would call out his or her name and wave them over."

"And then you'd ask if they had the tapes?"

"No, they would've denied it, so I'd hold up a tape and tell them to get in because there's a song I wanted them to hear. Each time, based on their reaction, I knew."

"And then you'd play one of her tapes?"

"No. If they didn't run away, I'd just play a random song. Any song. And either they would sit there, wondering why the hell I was playing a song for them, or if I was right, their eyes would glaze over like they were a million miles away."

"So why you?" I ask. "Why'd she give the tapes to you?"

"I don't know," he says. "The only thing I could think of was because I gave her the recorder."

"I have to go," he says suddenly, looking at his watch. "It's getting late and my dad's probably wondering where I am."

I put my hand on the door handle, about to get out of his car, but remember something.

"Could you say hello to my mom for me?" I ask Flametail, pulling out my phone.

"Sure." I dial her number.

"Fallen Leaves?"

"Hi."

"Where are you honey?" she asks. She sounds worried.

"I'm at Flametail's house. I'm going to need to stay the night at his house for the project."

"Hello," Flametail says right on cue.

"What's the project for?" she asks.

"History," I reply. I tell her I'll be home early tomorrow to get my school stuff and then hang up.

"Where are you going to stay?" Flametail asks.

"I don't know. I'll probably go home but I don't want her to worry if I don't show up." He starts the car.

"Do you want me to take you somewhere?"

I nod toward the house. "This is where I'm at in the tapes, but thanks," I say. I get out and press play.

_Back to the party, everyone. But don't get too comfy, we'll be leaving in just a minute._

_ After I had bumped into Berrynose, and we had finally broke that awful, painful stare, I wandered back down the hall and into the party room again._

I sit on the curb, a few feet from where I vomited.

_I sat on the piano bench in the living room. I wanted to leave, but where would I go? I couldn't go home. Not yet. And whenever I went home, how would I get there? I was too weak to walk._

_ A hand touched my shoulder. It was Blossomfall._

_This one's for you._

_She asked if I needed a ride home, and I said yes. She helped me up and we went outside. When we got to the car I gratefully dropped into the seat. We were driving I was almost asleep and then… it hit._

_We sat for a moment, staring though the windshield at the fallen sign. And then I saw you put the key in the ignition again._

"_Well, that sucks." You said. I couldn't let you drive away. I tried to stop you._

_You shut your eyes and said "Hollyleaf, I'm not drunk." You tried again._

"_Park it," I said. "Please." Then you told me to get out. I still tried to reason with you._

"_Hollyleaf, get out!" So I did. Then I asked if I could use your phone. _

"_Why?" you asked._

_I don't know why I told you the truth. I should've lied so you would give it to me._

"_We have to tell someone about the sign," I said. You kept your eyes straight ahead._

"_No. They'll trace it." Then you left, not knowing the trouble you would cause._

_B-6 on the map. Two blocks away from the party there's a stop sign. But no that night. And someone happened to be crossing that street a little while after, trying to deliver his pizzas on time. And there was another headed towards him._

So Blossomfall caused the car crash that night.

_I never really knew the senior who died, but saw his picture in the paper._

_It's now been a couple of weeks since the party. So far you've done a great job of hiding from me, Blossomfall. You want to forget what we did, but you can't._

_As I walked away from the stop sign, I stopped at C-7, a gas station, and used a payphone to call the police. When the woman on the other end picked up I started crying. She told me to calm down and I told her about the stop sign. She said the police were already there and there had been a car crash. When I hung up I continued to wander the streets._


End file.
